i already hear my dad disowning me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
