i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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