He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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