some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
