I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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