i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
