So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
