That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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