HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
