I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
