i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
