My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
