apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
