I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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