somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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