I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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