the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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