i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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