You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
