For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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