Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
