This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
