so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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