I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
