Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
