can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
