my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
