My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
