I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
