she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
