Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
