You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
