my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
