I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
