Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
