have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
