first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
