ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
