can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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