Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
