How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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