Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
