i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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