Screwed.edu
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
