There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
