well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
