the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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