the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
