Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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