when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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