So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
