my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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