I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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